


Brother

by mrbunnyfox



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Major character death - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 07:45:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3126623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrbunnyfox/pseuds/mrbunnyfox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and John die on a job while Sam is at Stanford.<br/>Sam visits his brother's grave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brother

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first try at writing a story. Thought I'd start off with something small. Thank you for reading! (And wow, formatting this is weird and hard when you've never done anything like it before.)

The sky is grey. It isn't raining, though Sam feels like it should be. As far as Sam is concerned it should rain, thunder, and lightning; the whole of creation should be in mourning. Instead, it's just him.

Goddammit, but it hurts.

Shaking his head, Sam tries his best not to let his grief overcome him. He's come here for a reason. He has to say this now or he never will. Better late than never after all.

Kneeling in front of the marker, Sam breathes in deep and says what he should have said while he still had the chance.

"I love you. I may not have acted like it, but it's true. I've always loved you. I loved you when you let me have the last bit of Lucky Charms even though it was your favorite. I loved you when you taught me how to ride a bike. I loved you when you lied about Dad leaving me Christmas presents before going to work; of course I knew it was you, Dean.

"Dad didn't do a lot for us. I know you disagree. 'He gave us a roof, he taught us how to protect ourselves, he was only doing what he had to do.' And yeah, he did all of that, but he wasn't a Dad. He didn't hold me when I had nightmares; you did. He didn't teach me how to throw and catch a ball; you did. He didn't give me advice about girls; you did. He didn't comfort me every time we had to move; you did.

"You did all that, Dean."

Sam is silent for a moment. He knows Dean never liked him bad mouthing Dad, but Dean isn’t here anymore. Not really.

"I never knew mom, so you tried to fill in that hole too. 'Eat your vegetables, Sammy. Wear you jacket, Sammy, it's cold outside. Don't be sad, Sam, that girl doesn't know what she's missing.'

"Maybe you weren't perfect, but you did the absolute best that you could. You always put me first. I remember when you canceled a super-hot, and obviously easy, date for me once. Horndog that you are, that's saying something.

"What I'm trying to say is...you were everything for me. Your were Mom, Dad, Best Friend. Brother.

"I miss you, Dean. I miss you a lot. More than I will ever admit to anyone else.

"And I know I hurt you, Dean. When I left. I saw the hurt in your eyes before I got on that bus. I just...I want you to know that I didn't want to leave you. I wanted to leave Dad and his ridiculous expectations. I wanted to make something of myself without continuing the 'family business.'

"But I think...no. I know what I did was wrong. I should have stayed with you. Or forced you to come with me. Point is I shouldn't have abandoned you. I shouldn't have avoided you for all those years. I did that 'cause I was ashamed of myself for leaving you behind; I had convinced myself that you'd never take me back but I know you would. You would have forgiven me anything, did forgive me for everything.

"I love you, Dean. For the things you did for me, for the time you spent with me, for the unconditional love you showed me all my life.

I love you, and I'm sorry."

And the man walks away from the grave feeling ashamed and bereft. His heart aches with grief, and his mind swirls with dark thoughts. The weight of the world is still on his shoulders, as it has been since his brother died, and as it will be until he feels he has atoned for his transgressions.

\---

Dean, silent and transparent, watches him go from beside his own grave. Sammy has no reason to be sorry. He got out of the life, made his own way, and became his own person. Dean's so proud of him. As he fades away to his well-deserved reward, he only hopes Sam will be proud of himself someday.


End file.
